Hello all. I can faithfully report that this past week has been one of the busiest weeks of my life...that I can remember, anyway. I was working two jobs, plus hanging out with great friends (Gary, Kyle, Bo, Rach, Steph, Larissa, Mitch, Becca...etc.). It's been crazy. But fun. I haven't been that tired in a long time...BUT thank God it's done! Now, the really exciting part, is that I am going to Calgary all next week for the Canadian Plains District Conference. I am SO excited! Honestly, I haven't been in TWO years and I am kinda nervous because I haven't seen so many people on a long time. It's going to be really good.
Now, for my blog post. My thoughts haven't been organised. Well, some people would say they never are, but they really are when it comes to writing. Lately, in my life, I am confused and it reflects in my writing, causing it to not make sense. Like now. I have realized that now that I am not taking my creatative writing class anymore, it's harder to write and it to make sense. I don't have an actual topic, like my other postes, but kinda want to write my confudulled thoughts, which I'm not use to doing.
ANYWAY, back to my confusedness. Right now, I am going through some growing up...or maybe I am being put to a test. I don't know. But I do know, that I fail more times then I actually do something right. Like this morning.
EX1:
Last night, five of my friends above mentioned and I went to Martinsville and had kinda some fun (I will get back to the kinda later) and on the way there and back, we used my car. I am grounded from using my car other than work because I like to speed and my parents are kind. So, I had gas in it and I offered it. Then we get home, and go to bed...well, it's a lil' more complicated, but that's the gist. Then I wake up to go to work at 0715. Only to find, as I also find I'm going to be late for work, that my car keys are missing. So, I get mad. I have this nasty temper that will be the death of me. And that resulted in me phoning Dad to tell him I was going to be late for work, Rachel hanging up on him because she isn't quite a morning person. And her throwing the phone in my direction, me getting mad again (actually I hadn't stopped getting mad) and throwing another phone at her, hitting her head, creating a very large bump.
So, Fail Number Three Hundred Thousand and Ten.
Last night was Fail Number Three Hundred Thousand and One-Nine.
My point:
I struggle to do right, to control my temper, to simply know when to do the right thing. And I am tired of it. But, I find myself doing the right thing and everything when it hurts me the most. Like when people around me are going crazy and I'm not and I could because I was wronged. But then I fall. I often feel like I am going through something that is so hard for me to get, then I finally get it, and the next thing starts. Like, I get something my parents try to get me to get, then I don't get the next thing. Then I just want to go back. But.
This is where it gets not clear. me.
I have a huge temper that I am not afraid to stand up if I think it's right. My problem is that the right isn't always right. And I am very stubborn. To me, I just want to find the right thing and stand by it and do everything for it and all that. But.
Most times, I feel like a little child still who doesn't know, who doesn't understand, who get confused and who wonders without answers. I have people come to me and tell me things that I have to help them, but I am inadequate to. And I don't understand why people come to me, who doesn't experience the things they need help with.
Anyway, God Bless
-J
